Couples Therapy in Salt Lake City, UT

Right now, the words just aren't landing. You don't talk to each other like you used to. You just can't communicate what you're feeling or you have no idea what your partner is thinking. You're like ships in the night. Every conversation seems to end the same way - one of you pushing to talk it out, the other shutting down, and both of you going to bed hurt.

Or the two of you have stopped trying altogether and live more like polite roommates than partners. You replay old conversations wondering where things went wrong, and the harder you try to fix it, the further apart you seem to drift.

Maybe there are even fights about the dishes, how often you have sex or parenting responsibilities.  You find out that it's not about the dishes, how often you have sex or the kids.  It's about feeling unappreciated, unheard, or alone in the relationship.  It's about wanting to matter to your partner again and not knowing how to say it without starting another fight.

Underneath every argument there is a longing to feel chosen, wanted, and safe with the person you love most - and right now neither of you knows how to reach for that. Couples come in for many reasons.  You might recognize yourselves here:

• •Having the same argument on repeat with a different label each time
• •Walking on eggshells to keep the peace
• •Hearing criticism where your partner meant a request
• •Keeping score without meaning to
• •Rarely initiating sex because rejection stings more than going without
• •Exhausted by work, kids, or health and left with nothing at the end of the day
• •Running the household well together and feeling more like co-managers than lovers

Feeling unheard, unappreciated, and alone in your own marriage is not something you have to settle for - and it is not a life sentence.  Change is possible. Couples who have been stuck for years find their way back to each other, and the distance you feel right now can become connection again. You can look forward to coming home. You can laugh together like you used to. You can feel chosen, wanted, and understood by your partner again.

You learn how to validate one another and how to raise what you need without criticism. Each session leaves you with clarity you carry into the rest of the week, so the connection keeps building between sessions instead of fading by Monday. Emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy each get their own honest conversation instead of collapsing into a single argument.

You name what you actually want rather than guessing at each other. Between sessions you practice initiating and responding, and the two of you start to see real change - feeling heard, feeling chosen, and feeling like partners again.

• •You feel heard instead of dismissed, even in the hardest conversations
• •Criticism and shutdown give way to requests you can actually respond to
• •Emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy each get their own honest conversation
• •You say what you actually want instead of guessing at each other
• •Feeling chosen, wanted, and like partners again instead of polite roommates

I have worked with many couples in the Salt Lake City area.  My couples therapy work is Gottman-informed with attachment theory underneath, which means we look at the bids you are making for each other and what happens when they get missed.  I use research-based tools to replace criticism and shutdown with skills that help you feel heard, understood, and on the same team again.

Rather than talking to me, I guide you to talk to each other! I remain impartial and unbiased in the conversation, acting as a guide to help you rebuild the relationship to a stronger, healthier place. I will assign you to implement skills and have experiences outside of session that will only help bring you closer together as partners.

So let's start your journey!  Come in a see if I'm a good fit for you and your partner!