Communication is no longer working and the gap is getting bigger
Most couples come in with the same handful of things: communication breakdowns, affair recovery, pre-marital decisions and intimacy.
I work from a Gottman method backbone with attachment theory underneath, and pick the right tool for you. We identify goals in the first session. Most couples can identify the pattern they're stuck in by the third session. I give couples homework and skills to implement - our weekly sessions are important, but the real change comes from the other 6 days applying what is learned.
Since most unhealthy pattens have been around for months or even years, it will take time to see positive lasting change. I urge couples to both not give up if change is not instantaneous and to allow for time to let changes solidify.
What I work with:
Communication & Relationship Wellness Therapy
Right now, the words just aren't landing. You don't talk to each other like you used to. You just can't communicate what you're feeling or you have no idea what your partner is thinking. You're like ships in the night. The love is still there, the connection just isn't what it used to be. Maybe there are even fights about the dishes, how often you have sex or parenting responsibilities. Communication trouble looks different in every home. You might be looking for Communication and Relationship Wellness Therapy because you're: - Having the same argument on repeat with a different label each time - Walking on eggshells to keep the peace - Going quiet because speaking up costs too much - Hearing criticism where your partner meant a request - Keeping score without meaning to - Living like efficient roommates instead of partners - Texting more easily than talking - Missing the version of you two that used to laugh together Here, we rebuild the conversation - how you speak, how you listen, and how you stay connected. We dig into topics that frequently lead to arguments, fights and distance. You find out that it's not about the dishes, how often you have sex or the kids. You learn that it is all about each other. You will learn how to validate one another and how to avoid criticism. You will experience clarity in session that will empower you to connect even further during the rest of the week. I use research-based tools to replace criticism and shutdown with skills that help you feel heard, understood, and on the same team again. Rather than talking to me, I guide you to talk to each other! I remain impartial and unbiased in the conversation, acting as a guide to help you rebuild the relationship to a stronger, healthier place. I will assign you to implement skills and have experiences outside of session that will only help bring you closer together as partners. It doesn't have to be "you versus your parter." It can be "you two versus the issue."
Pre-Marital Therapy
What is the next step for your relationship? You want to make sure you are both on the same page before the wedding or before moving in together. Pre-Martial Therapy is not a warning sign - it's preparation and it's proven to help couples start their marriages off on the right foot. Most of the time, the planning takes all the oxygen. You have talked about the venue, the guest list, and the budget for the reception far more than you have talked about money, in-laws, or what a hard week is going to look like for the two of you. The conversations you keep meaning to have get pushed to after things settle down - and things rarely settle down on their own. Couples come in for Pre-Marital Therapy because they're: - Engaged and wanting to start strong rather than repair later - Moving in together and unsure how to split money, chores, and time - Blending families, kids, or very different lifestyles and traditions - Quietly worried about a topic neither of you brings up - Getting a lot of opinions from family about how their relationship should go - Carrying patterns from home that you do not want to inherit - Coming from families that handled conflict in completely different ways - Unsure how you will handle money as a team versus separately - Wondering how faith, holidays, and traditions will get decided - Already noticing a topic that turns tense every time it comes up - Not fighting yet, and wanting to know what to do when you do You do not need to have your future mapped out to begin Pre-Marital Therapy. Most couples find out in the first session that they have never actually said certain expectations out loud. There is a reason preparing early works. Most marital problems are not new problems - they are old patterns that never got named, assumptions each person carried in from home and quietly expected the other to share. Preparation is far cheaper than repair, and it is a lot easier to build a habit than to break one. The first sessions get concrete. We take stock of your strengths as a couple, because most couples underestimate theirs. We identify the areas of concern before they become arguments. We put expectations into words - about money, roles, sex, kids, time with family, and what support looks like when one of you is struggling. I will work with you on expectations, finances, family, intimacy, and the patterns you don't want to inherit. Utilizing Gottman therapy, I will guide you to discuss your fears and anxieties as well as your excitement for the next step. You will build a shared plan for conflict before conflict shows up uninvited. What you leave with is practical. Language for the hard topics, a plan for how you fight and how you repair, and a much clearer picture of the marriage you are both actually signing up for. Starting well is a skill, and it is one you can learn together.
Infidelity Recovery Therapy
The relationship has been nuked. You don't know if you can trust each other, or yourself, again. The day the affair came out split your life into before and after, and right now the after is very loud. Whether the affair was sexual or emotional, you can't look at your partner the same. The affair may have been disclosed or discovered. Loving memories together now feel tainted. You're not sure if you want to save your relationship or to call it quits. Couples come in for Infidelity Recovery Therapy after betrayal because they're: - Cycling between rage, numbness, and wanting to fix it all today - Asking the same questions and never feeling settled by the answers - Unsure whether staying makes them strong or foolish - Checking phones, timelines, and stories for proof - Carrying shame that makes honest conversation feel impossible - Trying to protect the kids from something they already sense - Wanting to repair and not knowing where to put their hands You may not be sure if there is hope in saving the relationship or if you should just walk away. The good news is you do not have to decide the future of the relationship before you begin. You only have to decide to talk about it in a room where it can be handled. Here, I first help you decide a direction. If there is hope in staying together. I help you reconnect emotionally and rebuild trust after betrayal with a structured path forward. We utilize honest conversations, accountability, and skills to repair at a pace that holds. We slow down the interrogation cycle, make room for the hurt to be spoken and heard, and build transparency that is real rather than performed. If it is decided to end the relationship, I help you begin to trust yourself first and develop confidence in your future. Recovery is more than possible, for both partners. Partners can rebuild something more honest than what they had before.
Intimacy Therapy
Your sex life has lost its fire. Perhaps the emotional closeness isn't what it used to be. Neither of you brings it up, which somehow makes it louder. One of you may reach for the other, only to experience them pulling away. One of you may also feel overwhelmed with anxiety in engaging emotionally or sexually with your partner. You start to not only feel sexually undesireable, but also emotionally isolated. It usually shows up in small moments before it shows up in the bedroom. A hand on the back that does not get met. A joke that used to land and now just sits there. Quiet math about who reached out last, and how long ago that was. At some point "we're just busy right now" turns into "this is how we are," and neither of you remembers agreeing to that. Intimacy fades for all kinds of reasons. You might be looking for Intimacy Therapy because you're: - Rarely initiating because rejection stings more than going without - Mismatched in desire and afraid to say so - Affectionate in public and distant at home - Exhausted by work, kids, or health and left with nothing at the end of the day - Physically close and emotionally far away - Carrying old shame, past experiences, or messages about sex - Going to bed at different times so the question never has to come up - Running the household well together and feeling more like co-managers than lovers - Trying to fix it with a weekend away and watching it fade by Tuesday - Wanting closeness but unsure how to ask without it sounding like pressure - Missing the flirting, teasing, and ease you used to have There is almost always a reason, and it is rarely the one couples fear. Stress, health changes, medication, pregnancy and postpartum, aging bodies, small resentments that never got repaired, two people who define closeness differently, experiences from long before this relationship that never got said out loud. Desire is usually a symptom, not the problem. When we treat it as the whole problem, both partners end up feeling like the broken one. You do not have to know how to talk about this. Most couples do not, and that is a skill we build. Here, I help you reconnect emotionally, physically, and sexually. You will close the gap that has quietly widened and rebuild the closeness you both want. We work on desire, pacing, and the emotional safety that has to come first, without embarrassment and without blame. We separate emotional intimacy from sexual intimacy so each one gets its own honest conversation instead of collapsing into a single argument. You name what you actually want rather than guessing at each other. We rebuild non-sexual affection first, so touch stops carrying an unspoken agenda. You learn to hear "not tonight" as information rather than a verdict, and to say it in a way your partner can receive. Between sessions you practice initiating and responding, and we review what actually happened - not what should have happened. My work in Intimacy Therapy is Gottman-informed with attachment theory underneath, which means we look at the bids you are making for each other and what happens when they get missed. Sessions are direct, never graphic, and never shaming. Nobody gets assigned the role of the one with the problem. I guide you to open up to one another, fueling the emotional, physical and sexual connection you've missed for so long.
Format
50- and 90-minute sessions are available. Weekly sessions have proven to help clients experience the quickest and longest-lasting success. Frequency of sessions adjusts as the work progresses. Telehealth available to clients physically located in Utah or Virginia.